so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize