I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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