Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your penis caused this!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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