mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone shit on the floor
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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