someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
