Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
