Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
