Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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