shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize