It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
