He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
