Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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