I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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