yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
