i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
