HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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