just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
