That's intense
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
