and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I touched a dick in church today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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