my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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