Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
