So drunk its hurt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
