I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
