Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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