I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
