She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
FUCK WHALES
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
