I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
