Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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