I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
