I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
