So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
