I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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