she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just gift wrapped bread.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
