Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
