omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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