It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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