I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
