I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's Friday. Sex?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
