he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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