He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize