Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
