You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize