just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
