he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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