I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
