Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
