My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just threw up on my dentist
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
