turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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