I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize