the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
