We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
