if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
