It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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