Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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