3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You've changed since you got that strap on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
