Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
