dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
