see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
