people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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