I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize