oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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