Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
