I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she looked like the before picture.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
