yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
