I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
