too bad you live with your parents still
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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