when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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