Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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